Konoha's 1 Hyperactive Ninja!
by DoodleMonstah
Summary: What happens when the number one hyperactive ninja discovers coffee? Will the desperate attempts of his friends and hokage to keep him away from coffee prove successful, or will he wreck havoc on Konoha?
1. Chapter 1

**- Konoha's #1 Hyperactive Ninja -**

What happens when the number one hyperactive ninja discovers coffee? Will the desperate attempts of his friends and hokage to keep him away from coffee prove successful, or will he wreck havoc on Konoha?

**xxXxx**

Hello people! This is DoodleMonstah, back with an awesome new story!

I don't own Naruto. (Or do I...?)

...

(Nah, I don't.)

Takes place a few weeks after the failed Sasuke retrieval arc.

**- Chapter 1 -**

Naruto was grinning while eating instant Ramen for breakfast, when his door was knocked down. In strolled Sakura, and as usual, she was mad at Naruto about something.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head, thinking, "I didn't even speak to her yet! How's she already angry? And does she know how much it costs every time she knocks my door down?!"

But out loud he just said happily, "Hey, Sakura-chan, what are you doing here?"

Sakura didn't really know what she was doing here. She had been fighting with her parents and had used going over to Naruto's apartment as an excuse to escape. Not only that, but this way she could vent her frustrations - on Naruto! Win-win situation! Well, for Sakura, anyways. Not so much for Naruto.

Ignoring his question, she said, "Naruto, is ramen all you ever eat?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Well, on missions, I eat ration bars..."

"Come on Naruto, we're finding you a new food obsession!" She said angrily, relieved she had a way to vent her frustration.

"What? Hey, what's wrong with ramen, Sakura?!" Naruto demanded.

"It's unhealthy and full of fat!"

"It has all of the food groups except for dairy! And I added dairy in!" Naruto exclaimed, pointing at a milk carton.

"That milk's expired!"

Naruto looked at the carton of milk, before hearing his stomach rumble.

"Oh."

Naruto ran to the bathroom.

**xxXxx**

Naruto sulked as Sakura pulled him through the streets of Konoha, angrily stomping as she held the back of his collar with an iron grip. She hadn't even let him finish his instant ramen!

"Aww, Sakura-chan..." He whined.

"I know what you're thinking! This isn't a date, Naruto!"

"But I wasn't-"

"Idiot!"

Naruto rubbed his head where she had just hit him.

"Oww, Sakura-chaaaann" he complained.

"Pervert!" She yelled for no reason as she bashed him on the head again.

This time, Naruto just stayed silent, as he wondered if his teammate was on her 'time of the month'.

For some reason, Sakura was even more angry now, seeing that Naruto, who was usually loud and cheery didn't even say anything.

She stuffed a dango skewer in his mouth. "Here, Naruto, try this dango."

"Mmerghhm! Mrraaahh!" The dango skewer stabbed the inside of his mouth.

"Baugh!" He shouted as he spit out the dango skewer. He had to admit that it was good, but it didn't compare to ramen. Not to mention he had a stab mark in his mouth.

"Nope. Ramen's better."

Sakura glared at Naruto, before dragging him to another stand. "Here Naruto, try a bean bun."

Naruto's eyes widened as she shoved the entire bun into his mouth, causing him to choke. "Augggg!"

He started coughing, his face becoming more and more blue. "Augg- cough- mraugh! -cough, cough- augg!"

Finally, Sakura raised her fist and gave Naruto a super powered punch on the back, causing him to cough out the bean bun he was choking on. The force of the punch caused a crater, and when the dust rose, Naruto was lying in the crator, rubbing his wound as he said, "Oww... Nope, Ramen's better."

Sakura's eye twitched slightly, before she grabbed Naruto's collar and started dragging him to another food stand.

"Sakuraaa, I like ramen, I don't want a new food obsession..." He complained.

"Quiet Naruto!" She yelled. "Ramen is unhealthy to eat every meal of every day of every week!"

"But dango and bean buns arn't that healthy either," Naruto said.

"Well, isn't there ANY food that you ever wanted to try?"

Naruto thought for a second before he grinned. "Well, there was a drink that I always wanted to try. I saw the third hokage drink it once. He said it was a western drink called coffee or something."

Sakura, relieved by the fact that Naruto wanted to try something, ANYTHING, that was not ramen, started dragging Naruto to a well known beverage stand.

"Augh! Sakura! Let go of my collar already!"

**xxXxx**

Sakura watched Naruto in surprise as he downed a third cup of coffee. He was becoming more and more jittery, but Sakura brushed this off as normal Naruto-ish behaviour.

"Alright! I wanna try to the iced coffee next!" Naruto shouted.

As the coffee stand owner prepared the coffee, Naruto fidgeted impatiently, tapping his fingers, bouncing his legs, and prying at his collar.

"Would you sit still already?!" Sakura shouted at Naruto as she set her iced tea onto the counter.

Naruto who hadn't realized he was fidgeting, looked down at his legs which were bouncing up and down. They bouncing immediately stopped as Naruto rubbed the back of his head as he grinned. "Eh heh, sorry Sakura!"

Ten minutes later, Naruto had tried every single flavour and variant of coffee. All in all, he had drunk 15 cups of coffee.

He was practically jumping up and down as he set down his fifteenth cup of coffee. "I LOVE COFFEE!" He shouted loudly, before turning to Sakura and rambling a mile per minute.

"Hey Sakura! You should try a coffee too! the iced coffee is really good but so is the normal coffee but its really hot and it's a bit bitter but all you have to do is put a whole truckload of sugar in! And then there's the mocha! The mochas really good it's really sweet and-"

"Naruto I can't understand what you're saying! You're talking too fast!" Sakura shouted angrily.

"What?! I'm not talking fast am I talking fast I don't think I'm talking really fast maybe your the one that's talking slo-"

BOOM!

"Idiot!" Sakura shouted as she punched his head, effectively silencing the blonde. She didn't know what he was doing, but she passed it off as normal Naruto-ish behaviour once again.

Naruto was whimpering as he crawled out of the steaming crater.

**xxXxx**

Naruto stood on the hokage monument posing dramatically, as the wind blew through his hair (also dramatically, of course.) With coffee, it felt like he was 100% awake! It was like he had SUPER SENSES!

"Hey, this must be why the third hokage was so strong!" Naruto exclaimed loudly. "Because he drank COFFEE!"

Of course, that assumption was completely wrong, but Naruto doesn't need to know that.

**xxXxx**

Sakura had come to tell team 9 the great news first. Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji had been training when Sakura arrived.

"You did WHAT?!" Ino asked incredulously.

"I helped Naruto find a new food craze, because all he eats is ramen."

Choji's interest was peaked when he heard the word 'food'. "What's his new food craze?" Choji asked in surprised voice.

"It's coffee."

For a few seconds, complete silence. Sakura looked around nervously at their faces. They all had shock and dread painted on their faces. Even Shikamaru's usually bored face looked worried.

"W-What's wrong?" she asked nervously.

"Naruto's new food craze is coffee..." Ino trailed off.

Shikamaru, being a genius, knew exactly how to explain the situation. "Believe it or not, from what I observed, ramen seems to sooth and calm Naruto. Coffee however, is known to cause the opposite effect, by giving the drinker more energy. In cases where the drinker already has a large supply of energy, this results in extreme hyperactivity." he deadpanned.

"But, Naruto's already hyperactive WITHOUT coffee..." Sakura trailed off.

"Exactly" Ino said with a pointedly.

Choji, being an expert in all food and beverages, slowly asked, "How many cups of coffee did he drink?"

"...fifteen," replied the pale-faced Sakura, remembering his strange behaviour at the coffee stand.

Suddenly they all heard loud singing as an orange figure was jumping on the hokage monuments.

"**_WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY! ding ding ding a ding ding a ling ling! ding ding ding a ding ding a ling ling! WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY_**! " Naruto sang loudly as he was jumping in his coffee induced craze, precariously close to falling off the monument.

Shikamaru shook his head as he deadpanned, "Konoha's #1 hyperactive ninja. Troublesome."

**xxXxx**

_How's that it for the first Chapter!_

_And..._

_What does the fox say? Ding ding ding a ding ding a ling ling!_

_Heh heh. _

_By the way, in the poll, **Naruto: Banned from Ramen** took second place! (Meaning after I write this story, I'll write _**Naruto: Banned from Ramen**!)__

_Oh, and by the way, you like the cover image I made for this one? Naruto's standing on a giant coffee looking wacko, Sakura looks like she's raging, there's people running in terror, and explosions in the background! (What every cover image needs, he he)_

_Fav, follow, review and_ _get ready for more Chapters!_

_^-^ !_


	2. Chapter 2

**- Chapter Two -**

Naruto snickered as he lay in bed. In his extremely over hyperactive state, he had painted all of the trees in Konoha orange! Naruto felt strangely jittery as he rolled around in bed, his eyes wide open and refusing to close. For some reason, he couldn't sleep! (Hey, that's what fifteen cups of coffee does to you.) Realizing that he just didn't want to sleep, he instead decided to-

"I'LL JUST TRAIN INSTEAD!" Naruto shouted, completely forgetting that he had neighbours that were sleeping.

Changing into his orange jumpsuit, he decided he'll do some 'special training'. He went outside of his house and quickly summoned about 250 clones. "OK GUYS!" Naruto shouted. "FREE FOR ALL! You can go anywhere in the village! Whoever's left at sunrise wins and is the best me!"

A deafening chorus of two hundred YAHS could be heard, effectively waking the entire neighbourhood. Then all of the Naruto's left in a different direction, chasing other Naruto's, attacking, and dispelling them.

All night long, throughout the entire village, Naruto's were everywhere, snickering, shouting, and attacking each other. Needless to say, they were very loud. The while night long. Many people shouted and shook their fists at Naruto's clones, wanting peace and quiet.

By sunrise, there was only one Naruto left. "Knew I was the best me!" He exclaimed exhaustedly, the effects of the coffee now faded, combined with the fact that he had just battled 200 clones of himself instead of sleeping.

Looking around, he saw that he was at the bridge that he, Sakura, and Kakashi meet at. "Oh, good, I'm already here," Naruto thought as he fell asleep. But it seemed like he had only slept for a moment, before-

"Naruto, wake up!"

Naruto just rolled over in his sleep, drooling as he mumbled, "coffee... No, ramen... No, I want coffee... But ramen's so good... But coffee's really good too... Can't... Decide..."

A tick mark appeared on Sakura's forehead. "Wake up, Naruto!" she shouted.

Shocked out of sleep, Naruto shot up, and wiped the drool off his face.

"Sakura?"

"Naruto, we're about to start training!"

"But Kakashi will probably be an hour late again."

Oh yeah. Sakura didn't think of that. Actually, she was surprised that Naruto came before she did. Usually he came after she did, and then she would hit him on the head saying, "you're late!" even though he got there before Master Kakashi. And then Kakashi Sensei got there, they would usually both point at him, yelling, "You're late!" In unison. And then Sakura would hit Naruto on the head again, saying, "You were late, too, Naruto!"

While she was busy reminiscing about what they usually did, she didn't even notice Naruto leave.

Naruto yawned tiredly, having had only two hours of sleep as well as having a coffee crash. "Tired... Need coffee." He mumbled, before getting up and walking zombie-like to town, mumbling, "coffee... yah, coffee..."

**xxXxx**

Naruto was walking zombie like in the direction of the super market (where the coffee's at), when Lee suddenly burst out from some bushes as he struck a strange pose.

"EHH?! BUSHY BROWS?!"

"Naruto! Youth burns brightly in you!" Lee shouted. "I have heard that you are able to drink large amounts of coffee! As your eternal rival, I challenge you to a coffee drinking competition! If I lose, I will do two hundred, no- three hundred, no- five hundred push ups!" Lee gave a trademarked Gai Sensei pose before shouting, "THE POWER OF YOUTH!"

Just then, TenTen stomped over to Lee, grabbed him by his ear, and started dragging him away. "We don't need TWO hyperactive ninjas, Lee!"

"Stop! You are diminishing my flame of YOUTH!" Lee shouted as he flailed his arms while being dragged.

"Do you want me to make you cry 'tears of youth' again?!" She asked threateningly. She REALLY didn't want Lee on coffee. Once, he had levelled an entire bar from having just a bit of sake.

Lee's already wide-as-circle eyes widened even more as he visibly paled, remembering the 'tears of youth' she had made him cry when she found out he was stalkin- I mean following-Sakura around.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head in confusion and sweat dropped as he watched Lee be dragged away comedically by TenTen, before shaking his head and continuing his zombie-like trance towards the coffee stand.

**xxXxx**

Tsunade looked in shock at the even larger pile of paperwork then usual. Usually she had a ton... But this was just plain ridiculous! There were so many papers, it literally covered her desk! She couldn't even see the wood of her desk, because the pile of paperwork engulfed her desk completely!

Shizune came into the office, carrying yet another load of paper work.

"SHIZUNE! What is the meaning of this?!" Tsunade shouted.

Dropping the load of paper work, Shizune sweat dropped as she backed away from Tsunade, picking up her pig, TonTon. "U-um, it seems they are all complaints, Tsu-Tsunade."

Tsunade snatched up a piece of paper work. Sure enough, it was a complaint. Grabbing another, she saw it was also a complaint. Complaints, complaints, and more complaints! Reading one, her eyes widened.

"Orange trees..?" She deadpanned. Looking outside, she could see that the trees were indeed painted orange.

Snatching up another paper, she quickly skimmed through it. It complained how there were a whole army of blond haired, orange clad ninja running around at night like maniacs, keeping anyone from sleeping.

Another was a noise complaint, because someone had kept singing, "What does the fox say?" loudly on top of the hokage monument.

"Naruto," she muttered as she angrily rubbed her throbbing temples while she gave the pile of paperwork complaints a death glare.

"SHIZUNE! IT'S SAKE TIME!" she yelled.

**xxXxx**

_Cliffhanger no Jutsu!_

_A d-rank jutsu that leaves the audience in suspense. Known as a torture-type jutsu. _

_What will the hokage do?_

_And... Naruto isn't cheating on ramen, is he? He's not going to dump ramen for coffee, right? RIGHT?_

_Hehe. _

_Don't worry, he still likes ramen. In fact... (Snickers evilly, while thinking of the next chapter)_

_Orange trees!_

_Follow, fav, review!_

_Get ready for more chapters! (Believe it!)_

_^-^ !_


	3. Chapter 3

It would be a reasonable assumption to say I _don't_ own Naruto, but if you thought I _did_ own Naruto, then it's because of my awesomeness.

**- Chapter 3 -**

Naruto, refilled with 15 more cups of coffee, was now plowwing through his training, powered by pure coffee! Kakashi sweat dropped from where he sat (in an orange tree), even looking away from his book, as he watched thousands of Naruto clones practically destroy the training ground in his coffee-induced frenzy.

Sakura was watching Naruto, a giant sweat drop rolling down the back of her head likewise. She stood some distance away, not wanting to get caught in his coffee-powered training. She shuddered.

Because she had created a monster.

A hyperactive, coffee fuelled monster.

And she needed to stop him.

Somehow, she had to stop Naruto from drinking more coffee.

Before he painted the village orange.

**xxXxx**

"HA HA HA! Can't catch me, suckers!" Naruto yelled as two ANBU chased after him. "ANBU are getting worse and worse these days!" he yelled as he hyperactively ran and jumped around the roofs of Konoha. "Wahahahahah!"

One of the ANBU gritted her teeth. She had been chasing the brat around for two hours already, and the brat showed no signs of stopping! He was completely unpredictable, every time she thought she had him, he would surprise her somehow. She briefly noted the orange trees. This was just like his old pranking days, except he was even MORE hyperactive now than ever before. He shouted and jumped like there was no tomorrow, laughing like a maniac. What, was he on drugs or something?

Well, he's on coffee, but she doesn't know that...

The other ANBU was a newbie, being only recently promoted as ANBU a few days ago. He wondered how a GENIN could possibly avoid two ANBU for so long. And he wondered why he signed up for this in the first place. After all, he couldn't even catch a genin, for Kami's sake! Weren't ANBU supposed to be the best of the best?

Naruto laughed wildly as he passed a corner. He quickly made a shadow clone and made it run down the street, while he, the real Naruto, slinked into the shadows, snickering as he watched the two ANBU follow his shadow clone.

**xxXxx**

Tsunade's fist hit the table, smashing it in half. "YOU COULDN'T EVEN CATCH ONE GENIN?!" she roared angrily.

The two ANBU sweat dropped as they regarded the angry hokage in front of them.

The newbie ANBU spoke. "Yes, Tsunade. He is quite devious for a genin."

Tsunade rubbed her throbbing temples, before dismissing the ANBU and shouting, "SHIZUNE! MORE SAKE!"

**xxXxx**

Naruto snickered as he entered his apartment after his shopping trip. He had lost those ANBU good! After losing them, he had slipped under a henge and bought an assortment of coffee merchandise for his new coffee stash. He had a coffee maker, coffee beans, instant coffee, coffee kits, heck- he even got coffee boxers!

Running to his room, he put his new coffee boxers into his drawer alongside his special edition ramen boxers.

He then ran over to his kitchen closet to put his new coffee stash into- but it was already filled with his ramen stash!

So instead he dumped his wide assortment of coffee goods on the counter.

But now he was faced with a different problem. Should he make some coffee, or some ramen?

They were both so good... Both were nice and warm. Ramen was soothing. Meanwhile coffee made him feel super awake!

"Hehehehe..." he laughed as he drooled, looking back and forth at the ramen and coffee. First he looked at the coffee and then back to ramen, again and again in his hyperactive state. He was still trying to decide which one he should make when the door was barged open.

"Aw, man! Not the ANBU again!" Naruto thought. Sheesh, all he did was paint every single tree in Konoha orange!

But it was not the ANBU, it was Sakura.

"Augg! I just got that door fixed!" Naruto yelled complainingly.

"Naruto! You have to stop drinking coffee!" she demanded.

"EHH?! But you were the one who said I need a new food obsession!"

Sakura studied Naruto. His body was shaking from the coffee overload, his pupils were dilated, and he had some crazy grin on his face as his entire body fidgeted constantly. As she looked around his apartment, her stomach dropping in dread as she saw all the coffee products laying on the counter. This was worse than she thought, if he had already boughten a coffee stash!

"Naruto, having coffee for every meal is even worse than having ramen every meal, and- HEY STAY STILL ALREADY!"

"OWW!" Naruto rubbed his head.

Sakura continued on. "Coffee doesn't even have a single food group in it!"

Oh. Naruto hadn't thought about that. He couldn't become hokage if all he ate- er, drank was coffee for every meal. Naruto nodded at Sakura in agreement.

Sakura was surprised. That had been easier than expected. She had expected him to complain loudly or yell about coffee or something, but... he just nodded.

"Oh, okay then, see you at training, Naruto!" she said, still confused.

That had been easy.

Too easy.

**xxXxx**

"Hehehe..." Naruto laughed almost sinisterly as he looked at the instant coffee, instant ramen, and carton of non-expired milk on his table.

Sakura had been right.

Coffee didn't have a single food group in it. With that he agreed. It did on the other hand, give him 100% awake super senses!

Meanwhile, ramen had all of the food groups except for dairy. And milk was dairy.

So by mixing coffee, milk and ramen together, it would be the ultimate meal! RIGHT?!

Still laughing almost sinisterly, he dumped the hot black liquid known as coffee into a bowl. He then got the instant ramen noodles and put them into the hot coffee, allowing it to cook.

And then he waited for three minutes.

Three cursed minutes!

Do you know how long three minutes is when your hungry?!

Naruto hated the three minutes it took for the noodles to cook with a passion.

Finally, after fidgeting, bouncing out of his chair, and looking at the clock a few hundred times, the noodles were finally finished cooking.

Grabbing the milk carton, Naruto added some milk into his coffee-ramen and watched as the milk made white clouds in his coffee broth.

Finally, his coffee-ramen was complete.

In the bowl, the bitter-sweet black liquid and the milk swirled around, as noodles floated in the coffee-broth. Spices lay scattered on the surface of the coffee, while the few vegetables and meat chunks sunk into the white clouds of milk.

Now, to anyone other than Naruto, the thought of using coffee as broth for his ramen, and then adding milk to it, would be completely and utterly disgusting.

To anyone but Naruto, the sight of the noodles in the black liquid would send shivers down their back.

To ANYBODY but Naruto, the stench alone would make them want to vomit.

But to Naruto, this was the stench of heaven.

Naruto raised his chopsticks to slurp some coffee-infused ramen noodles from his *gag* bowl of delight when suddenly-

He froze.

He couldn't move.

Slowly, his body turned around to face Shikamaru.

"Shadow Manipulation Jutsu, complete."

**xxXxx**

_**A/N** WAHAHA!_

_Coffee-Ramen, anyone?_

_Bah I seriously lost my appetite as I wrote the description for the coffee and ramen mixed together. I mean, HOW CAN NARUTO EAT THAT?!_

_*shudders*_

_Anyways, I hope you were laughing your head off as you read this Chapter!_

_Also, I want to thank every one who gave a review! So thank you to **sonickiller41**, **Fier66**, **koolkidswaggy**, **Zero Uzumaki**, and **bankai777**!__! Every time I get a review, I'm like "HELL YAHHH!" and it puts me into the mood to write MORE AWESOME FUNNIES!_

_So if you didn't already, follow/fav!_

_and Review!_

_^-^ !_


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Naruto!**

**-Chapter 4-**

"Hey! LET ME GO!" Naruto cried out angrily. He was strapped to a hospital bed. Across the room stood Tsunade, Sakura, Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru, who sweat dropped as they watched the hyperactive blond struggle against his bonds.

"Hey! This isn't fair! I didn't get to eat my coffee-ramen!"

The group shuddered at the mention of the coffee ramen. They couldn't believe that Naruto was going to EAT that!

Ignoring the loud struggling blond as he squirmed and shouted, Tsunade turned to Sakura, who quickly explained how she had tried to get Naruto a "new food obsession" and that he had discovered coffee.

"He's even gone as far as to buy an entire coffee stash!" Sakura exclaimed worriedly.

The more Sakura described the situation, the more Tsunade could feel a headache coming on.

Tsunade bit her lip.

She was one of the three legendary Sannin. She was one of the best medical-nin in the history of medic-nin! She was THE Tsunade hokage, fifth hokage of the hidden village of the leaves!

But in all of her years as a medic nin, she had only seen one other person with a coffee-case as bad as this.

And that had been none other than Kushina Uzumaki.

"The ramen doesn't splash far from bowl," she thought.

**xxXxx**

"Eww!" Ino squealed as she looked at the bowl of coffee-ramen, "I can't believe he was going to eat that!"

Sakura grabbed a chopstick and poked the surface of the ramen. As the chopstick created ripples in the black broth, all of them recoiled backwards in disgust as if it were alive.

Choji, although disgusted by the thought of coffee and ramen together, was curious as to what it tasted like. His clan, the akimichi clan, specialized in food after all.

"It can't be that bad," he said out loud as he shakily picked up the chopsticks and hesitantly brought the coffee-infused ramen noodles up to his mouth.

Sakura, Ino, and Shikamaru stared at Choji, who had just swallowed some of the coffee-ramen. Meanwhile, Choji immediately regretted his actions. The savoury taste of the ramen clashed horribly with the bitter-sweet taste of the coffee, and the milk, instead of making it creamy, was curdling! His face became more and more green. Never before had he tasted anything so terrible. His eyes started watering as he felt bile rise to his throat.

"Aaahhh!" he cried as he ran towards the bathroom.

Ino and Sakura looked worried as their friend and teammate ran away screaming.

Shikamaru just sighed. "Troublesome..."

**xxXxx**

"Hehehehe..." Naruto laughed as he snuck to the room where he knew his coffee-ramen was being stored.

When he had been struggling in bed, he had heard one of the nurses passing by talking about how a "Cursed coffee ramen made that poor Choji sick!" He heard that it had been moved to room 149 for analysis and to check for toxins.

After ten minutes of struggling, he finally managed to escape from the bed and sneak to room 149.

When he entered though, he was shocked at the sight he saw.

Two medic nin, wearing full-body hazmat suits stood above a table where his coffee-ramen was. He could smell the 'delicious' ramen from where he stood.

But he was horrified when one of the medic-nin picked up the bowl with a giant pair of tongs while the other one sealed it into a scroll that had the symbols for 'danger' and 'toxic waste' written on the top.

"Good riddance," one of them said. "If anyone ate something so terrible they probably would have gotten sick."

But Naruto, having lost his coffee-ramen, just kept staring with a look of horror on his face. "NOOOO!" he yelled to the air. "MY COFFEE RAMEN!"

**xxXxx**

Naruto couldn't believe his luck. After he had shouted, Tsunade immediately found him and had him tied into another bed again. She had told him that until the coffee cleared from his body she wouldn't let him leave.

In one of the hospital rooms, Naruto lay in his bed, while Sakura was near the door entrance.

Sakura looked nervously at Naruto. Had he been yelling in anger, struggling against the bonds that tied him to the bed, or going on one of his Naruto ramblings about coffee and ramen mixed together, she wouldn't be nervous.

But he wasn't doing that. What he was doing was extremely non-Naruto like. He was staying quiet. He just quietly lay there in the bed, as he angrily stared at the ceiling.

Not knowing what to say, she ventured, "Naruto?"

No response. Naruto glared at the ceiling.

A bit annoyed that he didn't respond, Sakura asked again, "Naruto?"

No response. Glares stabbed the ceiling.

She angrily yelled, "NARUTO!"

Naruto's face seemed to twitch for a second, but he still glared at the ceiling.

Sakura's eye twitched. Was Naruto ignoring her?!

"CHYYYAHH!" She yelled, as her fist flew towards the blond.

For a split second, before her fist reached his face, it had a look of dread.

What happened next surprised Sakura.

"Poof!"

After the fist hit his face, the Naruto dispersed into a cloud if smoke.

Cold realization slapped Sakura in the face. This Naruto had been only a clone! The real Naruto must have made this clone and gotten it trapped, as he ran off to escape!

As she stomped out the door, where Ino and was waiting, her eye was once again twitching in anger.

"Forehead, your eye is twitching," Ino pointed out.

"Shut up Ino pig!"

"Bill board brow!"

"Ino pig!"

"Forehead!"

For five minutes, Sakura and Ino's shrill voices screeched at each other before Sakura realized she should alert Tsunade as quickly as possible.

**xxXxx**

Naruto, calmer now as the coffee wore off and suffering a slight coffee-crash, shuddered as he gained the memory of Sakura from his clone.

He had told his clone NOT to speak to Sakura, knowing that when he talked to her, there was a 90% chance she would get mad at him and hit him, which would have dispelled his clone.

He now knew that Sakura gets mad when he DOESN'T say anything to her, too!

Shuddering again, he knew he needed some ramen to calm his nerves. He rubbed the back of his head in confusion as he headed towards the Ichiraku ramen stand. He wondered why everyone was so against him having coffee... Sakura had said that it was a food obsession worse than ramen...

Speaking of coffee and ramen, Naruto felt disappointed knowing he hadn't gotten to try the first coffee-ramen he had ever made...

**xxXxx**

"Blauuergg! Roourarggruahh!"

Choji deeply regretted that he had tried the coffee-ramen Naruto made.

What was he thinking? It sounded gross, it looked gross, and it smelled gross, so of it only made SENSE that it would TASTE gross!

Shikamaru put a hand on Choji's shoulder comfortingly, as he handed Choji a new bucket and a soft dark green blanket.

"Thanks Shikamaru," Choji said thankfully.

As Choji grabbed the bucket and blanket, he vowed he would never, ever, EVER eat anything even LIKE coffee-ramen, ever again.

Ever.

**xxXxx**

_**A/N** Poor Choji... He just had to eat it! Blaghh..._

_And for some reason I find Fier66's comment highly amusing: "Coffee ramen, huh. Intriguing, but highly disturbing."_

_Also thank you Bankai for suggestion to reference Kushina in! It was funny to do that!_

_It was a bit harder to write this chapter, as I was totally NOT hyper at ALL. I wonder if that made my writing style and tone different...?_

_Ooh, by the way, I just updated my profile, has some more stuff and I made it have a funny quick story there called -**How Funny Stories are REALLY Made**-. So you if you want a quick laugh, feel free to check it out!_

_Anyways, all your reviews are AWESOME, so thanks!_

_Fav/follow/review!_

_More chapters coming up, believe it!_

**_^-^ !_**


	5. Chapter 5

**.Naruto Own not do I**

**-Chapter 5-**

As Naruto ate at the Ichiraku Ramen stand, his mind kept drifting off. Normal ramen was awesome, agreed, but he just couldn't get the coffee ramen out of his head!

Quickly finishing his bowl of ramen, he decided that he would just make a second bowl of coffee-ramen. But when he got home, his coffee-stash was completely empty... Ransacked!

"Damn ANBU..." He muttered under his breath.

He than took to roof-jumping to the shop that sold coffee, but it was empty.

"WHA?! Where did the coffee go?!" Naruto asked the shop owner loudly.

The coffee owner coughed. "Erm... You bought my store clean out yesterday," he reminded Naruto. The shop owner was worried, wondering if Naruto had drank ALL of that coffee.

"But we have some more pairs of coffee boxers for sale!" The store owner quickly offered as kindly as possible. He knew that the kid on front of him was good for business.

Naruto couldn't help but buy some more pairs of coffee boxers. As he left the store, he decided to go check out all of the other restaurants and shops that he thought might sell coffee, but they were all closed!

How was he supposed to make more coffee-ramen if he couldn't find any coffee?!

Naruto frowned slightly as he rubbed the back of his head. An idea started form in the back of his head. He could still find the first coffee-ramen that he made, right? All he had to do is find the scroll it was sealed into, and then he could finally eat it!

Slowly, Naruto's trademarked grin started to form on his face.

"Hehehehehehe..."

**xxXxx**

The ANBU snickered as she shadowed Naruto. Naruto walked up to all of the shops that even had a POSSIBILITY of coffee, yet they had all been 'closed'.

But really, it was just a genjutsu to make it look like they were closed.

The ANBU was proud of her genjutsu skills, and continued to snicker quietly. Yes, those files were correct when it said that Naruto couldn't see a genjutsu when it was staring him in the face, all right.

The ANBU was surprised when Naruto stopped in the middle of the road, frowning slightly as he rubbed the back of his head. He hadn't seen her, had he?

But, just as soon as he had started frowning, soon he started to grin as he laughed darkly.

"Heheheheheheh..."

Uh oh. The ANBU had seen that look only too often back when he was a prankster. It meant that he was up to something, or just had an idea. She sweat-dropped, before running to report to the hokage.

**xxXxx**

Naruto hid in some trees near the hospital. The orange trees were the exact same shade as his jumpsuit, and provided perfect camouflage! He really should have painted all the trees orange earlier...

As Naruto peered at the hospital from the trees, he could hear sirens blaring. "Code red. I repeat, code red. This hospital is under lockdown, I repeat, the hospital is under lockdown. No one is allowed to enter or exit until further notice..." A voice droned on from the speakers.

One or two chunnin guards stood at each entrance, and several stood on the roof, searching the area.

As Naruto peered past the orange leaves, he could hear two of the closest chunnin talking.

"...Yah, a genin. Nothing either us can't handle. The file said he has blond hair, blue eyes, and strange whisker birthmarks. Uh. "

"Hey, it's THAT kid, isn't it"

At, that, Naruto flinched a bit, but he kept watching.

"...yah. We have to keep em from entering and getting a dangerous item. What was it called? Coffee ramen? Uh. "

"Dangerous? Well, it sounds gross..."

Naruto was confused. Coffee ramen? Dangerous? And why was everyone so against his new food obsession? First Sakura tells him to get a new one, than she says to stop drinking it! And Tsunade seemed really twitchy and angry for some reason. Then again he had painted the trees orange... Naruto rubbed the back of his head again, knowing he'd never understand girls.

**xxXxx**

"So knowing he had that 'look', as you call it, you LEFT him there?!" Tsunade asked angrily.

The ANBU gulped. She had accidentally gotten the hokage mad TWO times in one day. Maybe she would lay low for the next few days...

"Y-yes, Tsunade hokage," the ANBU stuttered out as she felt anger radiate from the scary-looking hokage.

"He could be ANYWHERE by now," Tsunade said angrily in exasperation.

Behind her, two chunnin and the newbie ANBU stood guarding the scroll, which was in a cage, in the middle of room 149. In the hallway, a chunnin was guarding the door, while above, there was undoubtedly someone watching the windows from the roof. As the ANBU regarded all of this, she realized the hokage was planning to lure Naruto to the room using the coffee-ramen scroll.

She snickered a bit, before remembering that the hokage was glaring at her.

"Uh... Ye-yes, Tsunade hokage!"

**xxXxx**

As Naruto studied the guard placement and located the top window that he knew lead to room 149, he couldn't help bit think of this as an infiltration mission.

Now he wished he had payed more attention on infiltration at the academy...

If he snuck in through the window, then the guards on the roof would see him. So he would have to get rid of them. He squinted his eyes as he studied them closely. There were two guys and one girl.

He could tell that one of the guys was a full blown pervert by the way he kept looking at the girl, the girl looked like she was one of Sasuke's old fangirls, and the last guy seemed like the type of guy that might be a closet pervert.

Naruto let lose a trademarked Naruto-grin. This was going to be easier than he thought.

xxXxx

"Shut up! We're supposed to be guarding." The girl ninja yelled.

"I AM guarding." The boy spat back.

"The person said that he wears bright orange," one of them said with a smirk. Seriously, bright orange? On a ninja? HA.

"HEY! What's wrong with orange?!" A voice yelled loudly behind them.

They all turned around to see Naruto standing on the roof behind them.

"It's three chunnin against one genin, give it up," yelled the female chunnin.

One of the boys smirked arrogantly while the other one snickered.

Naruto made the signs for his kage no bunshin. "Shadow clone jutsu!" he yelled as hundreds of Naruto clones appeared all around them.

They looked taken aback for a second, but then they quickly returned to their smirking.

"Zero times a hundred is still zero," the more arrogant shinobi commented.

Naruto grinned at them, before his army of clones yelled in unison, "harem no jutsu!"

The Naruto's all used their sexy no jutsu at the same time and started to swarm the two guys.

Their eyes widened as hundreds of girls swarmed them, with only clouds to hide their bodies. Their jaws were dropping down to the floor, and drool started to come out of their mouths. Seconds later, blood shot of their noses as their eyes rolled backwards and they fell to grounds unconscious.

The female chunnin only stared in embarrassment that her teammates had been defeated so easily, by such a foolish jutsu!

Taking a kunai out, she glared at one of the Naruto's, who had dropped their sexy no jutsu's.

"I won't go down so easily." She growled.

All of the Naruto's all laughed at the same time, which was almost a bit unsettling. Then they yelled in synchronization, "Fan girl no jutsu!"

All of his clones turned into shirtless versions of Sasuke, each striking a different pose.

At this, the girl's eyes turned into anime hearts as she saw all of the shirtless Sasuke's all giving different poses. Her cheeks turned pick, and she fell to the ground as blood shot out of her nose.

Naruto dispelled his clones and then stared down at the three chounin lying in their own blood on the ground.

He rubbed the back of his head. "Well, that was easy."

**xxXxx**

_**A/N **haha, they just got beaten in the worst way possible. _

_Once again, reviews were awesome!_

_Lol, once again, Fier66's review made me lol! (Hehe, ramen bowl helmet to protect him from Sakura's fury-fists)_

_Speaking of angry Sakura, what also made me lol was that Mysto316 comment on wanting Naruto to either kill or be a douche to Sakura (Hehe I think that at one point in the manga, we all secretly want that though... Man I wasn't making her TOO angry was I?)_

_Not that I hate Sakura. She's a funny character. _

_Hehe._

_You know how they have chocolate syrup for chocolate milk? Turns out they have coffee syrup for coffee milk!_

_And then you mix the coffee syrup and the chocolate syrup and-_

_You get mocha milk! _

_Usually I don't like plain coffee, but man I love mocha milk!_

_Follow, Fav, and REVIEW!_

_**^-^ !**_


	6. Chapter 6

**I od ton wno oturaN.**

Man, I've been gone for like... A whole (YOSH!) FIVE DAYS or something!

Now, to think up an excuse...

Uh...

**-Chapter 6!-**

Naruto dispelled his clones and then stared down at the three chounin lying on the ground. Blood still dripped out of their noses, eventually making its way down into the blood puddles.

He rubbed the back of his head. "Well, that was easy."

Snickering, he tied them all up, making sure to gag em' good. But just as he was tying them up, he heard Lee land behind him.

"YOSH! DID YOU DEFEAT THREE CHUNNIN BY YOURSELF?!"

Naruto scratched his head nervously. Uh oh. Lee didn't catch him in the act, did he? Worse, sexy no jutsu wouldn't work on a guy like Lee.

"Whaaa...? Oh, this, I was just... Uhh... Training!"

Lee's became burning eyes of determination. "YOSH! Your training is so YOUTHFUL! However, you will not best me! I will defeat three chunnin as well, or else I'll do five hundred- no, six hundred- no, one THOUSAND push-ups!"

Lee struck a pose. Naruto sweat dropped.

"THE POWER OF YOUTH!" Lee cried before jumping down to battle the closest chunnin.

Naruto tugged at his collar, relieved that Lee's rant was over. Even better, Lee would create the perfect diversion! While everyone was distracted with Lee, Naruto would sneak in and grab the delicious coffee-ramen...

As Naruto stood on the roof daydreaming about what the coffee ramen would taste like, drool dripped down the side of his mouth.

He stayed there daydreaming about what it would taste like until he was snapped out of it by some chunnin screaming-

"Ahhh! The eyebrows! They're so BIG! And black! And fuzzy! Ahhhh! And the eyes!-"

Quickly, Naruto jumped to action. While they were all preoccupied by Lee's ... Youthfulness, he could go in, grab the scroll, and then leave.

And once he knew what coffee-ramen tasted like, he could finally get it out of his head. Then he would stop drinking coffee, and then Sakura would stop being even more twitchy then usual! The perfect plan, right?

Stealthily walking down the side of the wall, Naruto stuck his head through the window and looked around.

In the middle of the room, there was a cage, and inside the cage, was the scroll. The hallway was left open, as if everyone had left the room in a rush.

Naruto grinned. He would have to thank Lee for that later.

**xxXxx**

Veins popped on Tsunade's head. The newbie ANBU had said that Naruto was at the the front, causing havoc, but it was Lee! How could the ANBU possibly mess that up!

What were ANBU coming to?!

Tsunade had a very angry expression as she stood towering over Lee. After a quick interrogation, she found out that Naruto had taken out an entire chunnin squad by himself. This news was both interesting and disturbing.

At least she could rest easy. She had left someone there to guard the coffee-ramen and capture Naruto. Someone who was more than qualified for the job...

**xxXxx**

"Hehehehehe..." Naruto snickered as drool dripped down his face. A manic grin covered his face as he slid through the window, crossed the room, and looked at the scroll's cage.

Yes... The coffee-ramen... Was his!

"After this bowl, I'll quit coffee", he promised himself. Really.

Looking around he saw a key lying on a counter.

"Must be for the cage..." he thought. He walked over to pick it up, only to-

"Augghh!"

Naruto swung in the air as a trap triggered. He swung back and forth by a rope that was tied on his foot.

This trap was only too familiar. He had seen it before during his genin exams. But instead of a bell as bait, there was a key!

"WHAA?! Kakashi?!"

Kakashi dropped down from the ceiling and looked the upside down Naruto in the eye.

"Oh, hello, my cute genin." He said, while giving an eye-smile. He then got out his favourite book: Icha Icha Make out Paradise!

"Hey! Let me down!" Naruto yelled. He was so close! Close to that coffee-ramen! But now... he was hanging upside down.

Listen closely. There are two times when Naruto really puts his smarts on. One, is when one of his teammates are in Danger. Two, is when coffee-ramen's at stake.

So as Naruto was hanging upside down, in room number 149 of the hospital, with his sensei, who was reading Icha Icha, his wheels started to turn in his head. The same wheels that had saved his team time and time again.

Three steps in his plan- and he would have the coffee-ramen. But they would have to be carried out with precision.

_**Step one: Cut loose and let hell break!**_

Well, actually just cut loose.

With a quick movement, Naruto grabbed the kunai and cut the rope tied around his ankle.

But before he had time to even fall down to the ground, Kakashi already put him in a headlock, all the while reading his book intently.

But Naruto expected this to happen.

_**Step two: Use your advantages... To your advantage!**_

Naruto started talking. "Ehhh, ya know how I was training with pervy sage, right?! Well, he told me how the next book goes! And it turns out that- Haha!"

Kakashi, at hearing that Naruto was about to spoil the next book, had let his guard drop, even if only for a split second. But in the split second, Naruto managed to both escape  
>from the head lock AND grab Kakashi's ICHA ICHA MAKE OUT PARADISE!<p>

Jumping away from Kakashi he grinned wildly as he held the book in one hand , and a kunai in the other.

_**Step 3: Hostage exchange. **_

"The book for the key, Kaka-sensei."

Kakashi was shocked at what Naruto had just done. It was like when he had managed to rescue him from Zabuza, first making a plan, and effectively carrying it out. His cute little genin had grown...

_Naruto pushed the kunai closer to the book's cover, sliding the blade against it gently. _

Kakashi's eye widened. "Ah! No need for that, Naruto!"

Naruto smirked. Kakashi's biggest weakness: his book.

_He trailed his kunai across the book cover, making a tiny scratch, while Kakashi had sweat streaming down his face._

"Naruto! That's mint condition!" Kakashi exclaimed nervously.

_Naruto twisted the knife, ready to give the book a slice. _

"Agh! Fine, I'll give you the key!" Kakashi said. Anything for the book. Besides, it's not like its a big deal if Naruto got ONE BOWL of coffee-ramen, right?

Right?

RIGHT?!

**xxXxx**

_**A/N** RIGHT?!_

_Lee! Kakashi! And man that is one NUBE ANBU!_

_So, do you think Naruto will get the coffee-ramen?_

_And if so, what will his reaction be?_

_Throw-up?_

_Wolf it down?_

_Giggle hysterically?_

_Turn green?_

_Explode randomly?_

_Grow a moustache?_

_Yah, well, REVIEW!_

_(And fav/follow!)_

**_^-^ !_**


	7. Chapter 7

Yes, I completely, utterly and TOTALLY own Naruto!

(I lied. Sue me.)

(Actually, don't sue me. That would be completely, utterly and TOTALLY not cool.)

BY THE WAY, THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER, SO EXPECT EXTREME FUNNINESS!

_**-Ch 6-**_

_Naruto grabbed the key, stuck it in the cage, and drank the coffee-ramen. Then he started giggling hysterically, grew a moustache, and exploded._

_Hehe, DarkflowerofTc. _

_Yah, yah, ok. _

_Anyways, time for the REAL Chapter 6. _

_Get ready, get set-!_

**-Chapter 6-**

"Agh! Fine, I'll give you the key!" Kakashi said. Anything for the book. Besides, it's not like its a big deal if Naruto got coffee-ramen, right?

Right?

RIGHT?!

Kakashi watched Naruto nervously while cradling his Icha Icha: Make Out Paradise book. The book felt good to hold again. Not only that, but without his book, he felt... Naked. Or worse, without his book it was like... Not wearing a mask.

Naruto walked up to the cage, hand trembling in excitement. For a few seconds, he fumbled with the lock.

"Er... Stupid lock..."

Finally, with a click, the lock turned, and the cage fell open.

"Ahh! Finally! Coffee-rameeennn!"

Naruto grabbed the scroll out and then stared at it in confusion. So... How does he get the ramen out?

Directing chakra to his palm, he pressed it against the seal. That's right... Just enough chakra for that one coffee-ramen. Don't want the other stuff, especially if it's toxic waste.

Unfortunately, Naruto's chakra control is terrible.

He sent in twelve times the amount needed to get the coffee ramen out, and in result, everything BUT the coffee-ramen came out. Toxic waste sprayed everywhere.

"Aw man! That was my good jumpsuit!" Naruto exclaimed. Green slime dripped from his jumpsuit. Kakashi had to use all of his expert ninja skills to keep his book from being splashed, and slime dripped from the walls and ceiling.

Kakashi nervously gripped his precious baby- I mean book- and prayed that Naruto wouldn't get it full of toxic waste.

Again focusing his chakra in one hand, he put his hand to the seal and pushed -just a bit- of chakra into the scroll.

Slowly, the bowl of coffee-ramen pushed it's way out of the scroll, still slightly warm, slightly black stained noodles floating in the coffee-broth, as pieces of herbs floated in the milk clouds. Naruto breathed in the smell as drool dripped down his face.

"Hehehe... Coffee-rameeennn" Naruto laughed while grinning creepily.

Kakashi, now nervous for a different reason, rubbed his precious book to his face in an extremely disturbing manner.

Naruto lifted the bowl to his face, as he got ready to taste the most delicious thing in his-

"NARUTOOO!"

The door was smashed down, and both an angry Sakura and an angry hokage stood at the door holding fists. Behind them, stood some ANBU, Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, and some confused civilians and nurses.

Choji, who still looked a bit sick, said, "N-Naruto. Whatever you do, d-don't eat it, man."

But of course, Naruto took a huge gulp.

Everyone looked on in horror. Tsunade's face began twitching, and Kakashi continued to rub the book on his face nervously. Ino's jaw hit the ground. Sakura's face was filled with rage, Shikamaru's face had, "troublesome" written all over it, and Choji looked even more sick from watching someone take a loud slurp from that cursed bowl.

Silence was heard in the room. Naruto's face started twitching. From delight or disgust, no one could tell.

Naruto's body started to shake. That coffee-ramen... The combination of the two most wonderful instant food products in the entire world-!

Tasted terrible.

Naruto's face started to turn green. The bitter coffee clashed terrible with the sweet broth and curdled milk, giving the worst imaginable taste possible! The soup seemed to grind against the inside of the stomach, and he felt bile rise to his throat.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" he cried as he ran to the bathroom.

"I told him not to eat it," Choji said wearily.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru agreed.

"That brat," Tsunade commented. She was keeping him away from coffee ramen for a reason.

"That dumb blonde," Ino said.

Everyone looked at Ino, whose long blonde hair seemed stand out as much as a lit Christmas tree.

"Ino, you know you're blonde too," Sakura pointed out with a wolffish evil grin.

"AH, WHATEVER FOREHEAD!" Ino screeched.

**xxXxx**

"Rraarrgguheee! Browghhhphh!"

Choji and Shikamaru handed Naruto a dark green blanket and a new bucket. "Here you go Naruto."

"Th-thanks, Choji, Shikamaru."

Sakura cracked her knuckles menacingly. "So, do you agree to never drink coffee again?"

Naruto nodded as he stood up snakily. "Heh heh, ok Sakura! I have a new food obsession now anyways! I always wanted to try it, I saw Anko have it once."

Everyone looked confused.

"Dango?" Ino questioned.

Naruto shook his head and pulled an object seemingly out of nowhere. "Nope."

Everyone stood in shock and horror as Naruto pulled out what his new food obsession would be.

Because in his hand, was even worse than coffee.

It was a monster energy drink.

"NARUTO, YOU BAKA, THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN COFFEE!" Sakura screeched, before driving his fist into his head.

"OWW! Sakura-chaaaaan!"

Poor Naruto. It seemed that no matter what food obsession he chose, Sakura would hit him.

Naruto rubbed the sore spot on his head before grinning a Naruto grin and rambling,"EHH?! Well, what about a pipe! I always wanted to try one, cause the third hokage always smoked a pipe! That can be my new obsession! EHH SAKURA-CHAN?! "

Everyone's jaw hit the floor in shock and extreme horror.

Naruto wasn't going to go on drugs, would he?!

"NARUTO, YOU BAKA, THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN COFFEE AND MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS MIXED TOGETHER!" Sakura screeched, before driving his fist into his head once again, sending him 30 feet away.

Naruto rubbed his head in pain and confusion.

Yep, it seemed that no matter WHAT obsession he picked, be it ramen, coffee, monster, or a pipe, Sakura would always hit him.

And yep, he would never be able to understand girls.

Maybe they just enjoyed hitting him?

**xxXxx**

_**A/N **That's the end!_

_So, how did you like the ending, eh?_

_I hope this chapter was funny, and if it was, leave a review to tell me if you were laughing or not!_

_Yah, I know chapters have been coming slow ever since three weeks ago... (Note: this also around the time that school started again... Plus I was busy reading my newest manga obsession: Blue Exorcist, hehehehe...)_

_But I will try to get back into my daily updates habit with my next story, which will be..._

_**- Naruto: Banned from Ramen!-**_

_When the hokage bans Naruto from ramen due to his health condition, will he be able to handle the mental strain? The answer: no. No he can't. And nothing will keep him from ramen!_

_So in two to three days, look for that title!_

_So, FAV and REVIEW!_

_**^-^ !**_

_AND I LOVE EXCLAMATION MARKS!_


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